Seven Million Thoughts and a Funny Story

There's like seven million things on my mind, and I can't write them all down at once so bear with me while I organize my thoughts.

1. Sometimes people in seminary make me feel dumb.  Because they're so smart.  I mean, seriously, they're really smart.  They even sound smart when they talk about everyday things.  And somewhere, someone is always having a deep theological discussion.

I think that sometimes we live up on our high holy hill and forget about the outside world.  That's one of the perils of being in seminary - we forget how to relate to people who live in the real world.  It's great to have deep theological discussions, but we have to remember who we will be preaching/teaching to some day.  We need to be able to reach out to the non-believer and talk to them at their level.  We don't want to scare people off with our big words or theological concepts.  We have to be like Paul.  In 1 Corinthians 2 he basically says: look, I'm not coming to you with brilliant thoughts or speech.  I'm coming to you in weakness and in fear.  Because I have something to tell you, and it's not about me.  It's about Jesus.  And it's awesome.  And you need to know about it.  And I'm not going to use big theological arguments, I'm not going to sound smart and use big words.  You know why?  Because I don't want you to come to faith because of the wise things that I say.  I want you to come to faith because of the amazing power of the Holy Spirit.

That's what matters: God working in people's lives.  The message that we are giving is more important than sounding smart.  We are at seminary to get Biblically-based theological training so that we can tell others about the the most important thing in the world.  So sometimes we all have to tell our brains to shut up, and work on our hearts.  We have to believe this message that we're telling people about.  When we talk to people, that's what's going to come through to them.  If we sound smart, we may end up alienating them.  But if we connect to people on a heart level, I think we'll reach them more.

2.  I say this because I'm feeling inadequate right now.  Inadequacy sucks.  You just feel like no matter what you do, you'll never measure up.  I'm the worst at this.

I constantly compare myself to other people.  We all do this.  It's exam crunch time, which means a lot of reviewing with other people, reading their papers, and helping each other study.  So when I read my friends' papers, I compare my writing style to theirs, and they always sound smarter than me.  I feel like I write at a 6th grade level, and they're all writing at college level.  I feel like I don't sound as though I belong in grad school.  So I'm feeling inadequate in my writing.

I feel inadequate in other ways too.  There's some amazingly beautiful girls around school.  They're not perfect, but that only adds to their beauty.  When I compare myself to them, I fall short every time.  They have better hair than me.  They have better skin than me.  They have better teeth than me.  They have better personalities than me.  They have better style than me.  Of course, being around so many guys doesn't help either.  Because it's been so long since I've dated anyone, I get really hard on myself.  I tend to think I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or smart enough or Christian enough, and that's why no one will date me.  And I look at the girls who are dating someone and think, oh, if only I were like them, I would have a boyfriend.  As a result, I feel inadequate in the way that I look.

I also feel inadequate in my walk with God.  Being in seminary is especially hard for this.  You feel like since you're going to be preaching/teaching about God, you have to have an awesome faith.  It has to be perfect.  And there's people here that seem to have that.  They are in the Word, they talk about their faith all the time, and seem to have this great relationship with God.  I don't.  This is my second time in seminary, I've been telling people that I'm a Christian for about 15 years now, and I'm still a baby Christian.  Praying every day is a struggle for me.  Reading my Bible every day is really a struggle for me.  I look at some of the people here and wonder how they got to be so close with God, because I don't think it will ever happen for me.

Here's the conclusions that I've come to regarding these issues:

a.)  What I think about myself is not necessarily how others view me.  My friend Sarah read my blog, and she said I was a great writer.  When she told me that I gave her a look and said, "huh?"  She told me that when she reads my writing, it's as if she is actually having a conversation with me.

So I thought about that.  And decided that yes, that is what I am trying to do.  When I started this blog, I said it would be for family and friends, so I could tell them the events going on in my life.  So you can have a conversation with me without me actually being there.  I write in a similar way in my academic papers.  It's because I want my readers to get a sense of me, of who I am, where I come from and where I'm going.  It's my thoughts that are coming out on the page, no one else's.  I want you to know how I'm engaging with whatever I happen to be writing about.  Sounding academic is great, but when you lose your voice in your papers, you sound like you're simply spouting information.  There's nothing personal about it.  It could have come from anyone.  I want my papers to be uniquely me.

b.)  Even the most beautiful woman in the world compares herself to someone else.  It's just how we roll.  One of the beautiful women that I mentioned earlier told me the other day that she is jealous of my hair.  I was completely astonished.  Someone is comparing herself to me?  That just doesn't happen!  The fact is that there's always going to be things that we don't like about ourselves.  Whether that's our hair, teeth, sense of style, whatever.  I think it's more important to focus on what we do like about ourselves, instead of focusing on what we wish we had.  So let me tell you about what I like about myself.  At home, I'm generally surrounded by blue-eyed people.  But here, there's not so many, and as a result, I've come to the conclusion that I have some really fantastically blue eyes.  And it's awesome.

c.)  When it comes to my walk with God, there's really only one person I should be comparing myself to.  That person is Jesus.  All I need to do is try to be like him.  Not any of these other people that I know at school.  Because chances are, they've got stuff they're struggling with too.  Everyone falls short somewhere, it's not just me.

That wasn't seven million things.  It was two.  Hope you're okay with that.  When I started this blog post, this was not really what I intended to write about.  Sometimes, it's as if the words take over and I have no control.  Weird.  But apparently it was on my mind if I was writing about it.

Here's the funny story.  It's not really that funny, it just shows you a little bit about what life is like as a seminarian.

I was at work the other day, talking to a kid who is about 9.  He was talking about a comic book or a TV show or something, and said the word enemy.  So I said out loud, "hey, did you know the Hebrew word for enemy is oyev?" (Oyev is my Hebrew transliteration.  That's not really how it's spelled) He gave me a funny look.  Then I realized, he probably doesn't care.  He probably doesn't even know that the Hebrew language exists!  Only in seminary would you start putting Hebrew words in everyday conversations.

It's exam crunch time now, and I should be studying, so I'm going to do that.  Happy Sunday!

The hole in my armor.

Warning: Theological Content.  Also, this post is very long.

Today I’m going to talk about an issue that has been on my mind for…well, to be honest, the last few years.  Yes, you read that correctly, years.  It’s something that I’ve generally kept to myself, because I don’t always feel comfortable sharing this, because people don’t really understand.  You think you do, but you really don’t.  It's a really personal issue for me, and I don't know how to share it without getting into the gritty stuff that is my life.  So you're going to read the grit today.  This is the stuff I don't normally share with you, because it might make you angry.  You may still not understand.  But if I don't attempt to help you understand, I will regret it.

 

The issue is loneliness.

Oh, loneliness!  You might say.  I’ve been lonely before.  True.  Many of us have been lonely before.  But few of us have ever really suffered from true loneliness.

You see, loneliness is more than just being alone.  It’s more than just needing the physical presence of another person.  Loneliness goes deeper than that.  Loneliness means that you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.  It’s the feeling that no one is there to meet your emotional needs.  There’s no one who loves you, BUT there’s also no one to give your love to.  It’s the feeling that there is no one to walk alongside you to share in your joys, your sorrows, to help you through troubled times.  Someone who understands not only your feelings, but also why you feel those feelings. There’s still more to loneliness than that, but I don’t know how to explain it.

Sharing your emotional needs with someone is essential for human functioning.  When we cannot do that, we are missing out on a basic himan need.  There’s a psychologist named Maslow, and he was the guy that identified some basic human needs.  He actually came up with a hierarchy, an order of needs that need to be met.  Here’s how I picture it:

Imagine your plane crashes on a deserted island.  You’re stranded.  You have no supplies. And you’re stuck there forever.  What’s the first thing you need? Food and water and other physiological needs.  That’s the first level of the hierarchy.  What comes next?  Shelter.  With shelter comes safety.  The next thing on the list: love.  Emotional needs are third.  Before a job, before confidence, before self-esteem.  Emotional needs are THAT important.  

Here's how I know all of this.  I am lonely.  So lonely that all I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry. And I have been feeling like this for at least 5 years.  Even amongst my family, I've felt lonely.  And for the past 5 years, you've been saying go out and make friends!  Meet new people!  Call up your old friends!

It's not that easy.

Being around people doesn't cure the loneliness.  If that were the case, I would have tried it a long time ago.  In fact, sometimes that makes it worse.  Because even if I was with my old friends, we weren't connecting on the emotional level that I needed to connect on.

Here's what I've heard my entire life: Beth, you're a Christian.  You have Jesus.  You shouldn't feel lonely because Jesus is always walking beside you.  Read the footprints poem.

Yes.  I know.  But.

Christian school teaches you how to be a fake Christian.  I'm like an M&M.  I have a candy-coated Christian shell, and a melty disinterested Christian on the inside.  I've accepted Jesus as my savior, I know what it means that he died for me, etc, etc.  Throw a theological or Biblical question at me, and I can probably answer it.  But I'm a baby Christian.  I have not had a true relationship with God ever.

Ever.  In my life.

As a result, I am lonely.  And that loneliness has become my idol.

Huh?

In church this past Sunday, the pastor was talking about things that are idols.  He quoted Tim Keller, who wrote that the things that we think about when we're by ourselves, with nothing pressing on our mind - those are our idols.  When you have down time, and you have nothing else to worry about, if you're not thinking about God, whatever you're thinking about is your idol.  When I have down time, I think about relationships.  I think about what could be if I were in a relationship with a guy.  I think that if I were in a relationship, that would solve all my problems, it would cure me.

Nope.  Here's the truth.  Our idols can't save us.  Only Jesus can.

Spiritual warfare is a real thing.  It happens, even if we don't talk about it.  Well, I'm going to talk about it.

Satan likes to attack our weak points.  I compare it to wearing armor.  When soldiers wear armor, their enemies always go for the weak spots, the holes in the armor.  Satan comes for our holes in our armor, and makes it really hard for us.  My hole is loneliness and my desire for a relationship.  That's where he gets me every time.  And makes it really hard to trust in Jesus alone.  He makes it hard to realize that Jesus can fulfill all my needs.

So.  I've finally figured out why I'm at Gordon-Conwell.  It's to work on my relationship with Jesus Christ.  To realize that Jesus is enough to fill my wants and needs.  Everything else - classes, work, studying, friendships, none of it is as important as my relationship with Christ.  For the first time ever, I am going to be in relationship with Christ.  I realize this is going to be a process.  And not an easy one. But my hope is that even if I've angered you, you will help me in this process, and encourage me to grow.

My turn signals don't work.

So it's different being on my own.  In a good way, I suppose.  It does mean, however, that when things happen to my car (such as the turn signals not working), I can't just ask Brandon or my dad to help me fix them.

I was thinking about that the other day, whilst driving down 128.  Who would I call if I got a flat tire?  I have plenty of friends around here, but we're all scholarly types.  No one really knows about car things.  I know who I would talk to if I was having a bad day, or if I needed advice about boys, or advice about school.  I have two best friends here, Sarah and Dave.  But I would call neither if I got a flat tire.  Maybe it's a good thing that I have no one to call, because it teaches me to be reliant on myself.  I mean, I know I'm supposed to be reliant on God, and I am, but God can't change a tire.  Maybe I should learn how.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned Dave before.  There's a million Dave's here, so we have nicknames for them all.  There's Tall David, Hot Dave, Engaged Dave, Married Dave, Asian Dave, and Cartwright.  There's a couple more, but those are all I can think of.  My best guy friend is Engaged Dave.

So typical of my life: the one guy that I am closest to is engaged to another girl.  But that's okay, because it means there's no subtext.  I don't have to overanalyze everything he says.  A bunch of us went swing dancing the other night, and he asked me to go with him, and I didn't have to worry about what it meant that he wanted to dance with me.  And there are plenty of other guys that I interact with throughout the course of the day that I will overanalyze.  Dave helps me with my guy problems.  So please don't get any ideas about Engaged Dave and I.  If I talk about him, it's because he's my friend.

On a random note, all the eggs here are brown.  I have a friend, Kevin, that lives off campus, and I had a strong desire to make cookies, so I borrowed his oven.  I went to the store and bought all the ingredients, and in the egg section, there were no white eggs!  I know that white and brown eggs are the same, but I had never used a brown egg before, so it was kind of an adventure.  Is that sad, that my adventures consist of using different colored eggs?

Why do I have to have a title?

I used to be okay with being alone.  For 2 years, I was pretty much alone, all the time, except when I was with my kids.

Maybe alone isn't the right word.  

I used to be okay with not having friends my age.  For the past 2 years, I didn't hang out with anyone with the exception of my bestie, Alisa.  We would hang out every couple of weeks or so.  Other than her, I didn't have friends.

I didn't know what I was missing.

Now, if I haven't seen any of my close friends in a day, I start freaking out.  Well, not really freaking out, but I feel withdrawal.  One of my new best friends, Sarah, was leaving to go home for the weekend, and we were talking about how it's really hard to leave here.  And she is only going to be gone for the weekend!  She and I are feeling a little lost without each other, and we have only known each other for a month.  We've talked about how weird it will be to leave all these people for Christmas break.  That's like a whole month and a half without each other.

I was never like this before!  I was fine being by myself.  I wasn't freaking out when I didn't see any of my friends.  So what changed?  Why do I feel like this now?

Maybe sometimes when you pray for something, God answers abundantly.  I prayed for years not to be alone anymore.  I was specifically praying for a boyfriend, but I think that God answered my prayers in a different way: by giving me friends.  And a lot of them.  And really super awesome friends.

I do know that I never want to go back to the way I was before.  I am a little bit scared that when I leave this place and we all scatter to the ends of the earth, we won't be more than facebook friends.  Because I want to have lasting relationships with the people that I've become close to here.

Also, a boyfriend would be nice, but I think I am going to give up on that for now, since the guys that I'm interested in have shown no interest in me.

You are all going to laugh when you read this....

It's been a while!  Sometimes I forget this blog exists, and then I remember and I feel bad.  Things are still going okay, I am definitely looking forward to reading week, however.  I don't have a lot to catch up on, but I do have a lot of reading to do, and I always like when we don't have class.

However, I have been struggling with one thing over the past few days.  And I'm having a hard time explaining it, so bear with me.  So I pretty much don't know why I'm here.  I love it here, and I want to stay here, and I feel as though this is the place that God is calling me to be.  But I don't know why.  Before I left, I was determined that I would become a college professor, but the longer I am here, the less I feel like doing that.  It's still an option for me, I think I would enjoy it, but I don't know if that's the reason God called me here.  And now I know my parents are ready to grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and ask me what the heck I am spending all this money on.  But (and here's the part that will make you laugh) I keep wondering if I should be getting an M. Div.  I can't believe that I just wrote that.  But what if God is calling me to a ministry position?  What if I was supposed to get my M. Div the first time around, and that's why God called me back to seminary?  What if I've been fighting against the idea all this time because it was what I was supposed to be doing?

I don't know.  And that's what's getting to me.  How the heck are you supposed to determine what God wants for your life?  I feel like I'm just fumbling around in the dark without a flashlight, praying that I'll find something to hold on to in order to stay upright.  Because if I did start it now, I would be behind a semester.  Actually, I might be behind a year.  Because I didn't start Mentored Ministry (which is like an internship class), and I didn't do spiritual formation.  And I would have to take a completely different Systematic Theology class.  And it would add another year.  So I think that unless money falls out of the sky and onto my lap, I have to stick with what I'm doing right now.

So please pray for me that God will show me what I am supposed to be doing.

Procrastination is my first name...

I'm supposed to be reading right now, as I have had a very unproductive couple of days, but I felt the need to update this first.

So this past week has been pretty good.  I think I've adjusted well to being 27 years old.  It's only been a week, however, so that may change.  Age is just a number, right?

I've been busy like usual.  Lots of studying and reading and Hebrew exercises to do.  I took 2 quizzes in Hebrew and aced them both, so I feel like I'm doing well!  I'm a little worried about the History and Archaeology mid-term I have coming up soon, because there is just so much to know!  He gave us a review sheet and it's HUGE!  But I will endure.

No updates on boys.  The guy who asked for my number never called :(.  It's okay, because there are so many other guys here to distract me.

My roommate and I have been getting along great, which is good!  But I wouldn't say that she's my bestest friend here.  That would be Sarah.  She's from Albany, New York.  She and I will stay up until 2 am talking about life.  We are actually hoping that we can live in the same suite next year, which I think would be awesome.

In other news, I finally got to play my guitar today!  That was so exciting and made me feel a little bit better about life in general.  My fingers are killing me now, but that's the price I pay for not practicing all summer long.  Hopefully I'll be able to find a space to play on a regular basis.

I am getting a sore throat.  Hopefully that doesn't mean that I'm getting sick!

Okay, I really should read now.  Have a great weekend!

Awesomeness.

Hello!  I thought I would post since I've been having a pretty awesome 2 days.

Classes are going well this week.  I feel a little bit overwhelmed in my History and Archaeology of the Ancient Near East class, but I think that's due to me being extremely tired and not feeling well in class on Monday.  I just took a Hebrew quiz, which I think I aced.  I'm ahead in my reading for all of my classes.

Awesome.

Then, yesterday, my birthday party was planned, which is great, since I LOVE my birthday.  It's the only day that it's all about me:).  It's not really a party, it's more like a gathering of people at a restaurant.  But still fun.  AND later in the day, a cute guy asked me for my phone number:).  I'm pretty happy about that. I invited him to my birthday party.

Super Awesome.

Today, there was a library orientation session, to get us orientated to the library - how to do searches for books, inter-library loans, etc.  There was a chance to win a $25 gift card to the bookstore when it was over.  And I won!

Really Super Awesome!

Last awesome thing for the day:  I went to the gym last night, and there's a scale.  Turns out I have lost 14 lbs since I started trying to lose weight!  No wonder my jeans are all saggy in the butt.

Amazingly Super Awesome!

First week review

It's been an eventful week!  I've had all of my classes, and the one that I like the best is Introduction to the Old Testament.  Although, I actually think I like learning Hebrew too.  I'm a weirdo.  I'm having trouble finding a place to do homework where I can concentrate and not be too social, but still be near friends.  I have found that I really don't like to be by myself.  It's strange, really, because I thought that my 2 years being alone at Calvin, and my 2 years being alone at home had made me an introvert.  But that's not the case.  I actually find that I am not in my room all that often. So for all of you who were worried that I wouldn't leave my room, there's really no need to worry any more.

So, call me strange (I do), but when I got back in a classroom again, it felt like coming home.  It felt so good to be sitting at a desk, listening to a professor, and learning things.  I love being here.  In looking at the future, I can already tell that it will be hard to leave this place when I graduate.  Unfortunately, I still have no real idea what I will be doing when I am done.  So I guess wherever God leads me is where I will be going.  Hopefully he will lead me somewhere, because I really can't handle when I lack a sense of direction.

I haven't played my guitar here in a few months, and it's starting to bother me.  I really want to play.  But since my suitemate is so sensitive to noise, I don't really feel like I can play in my room.  She left my roommate and I a note to close the doors quieter, that's how sensitive she is.  So no guitar playing, I guess.

I had a job interview at the YMCA this week for their after-school program, and hopefully I'll get that job.  I have no idea what it pays, but it would really work out well if I could do it.

Yesterday, I had the worst mac & cheese ever.  I thought that mac & cheese was something you couldn't ruin.  I was proved wrong.  It was disgusting.  The cafeteria is kind of hit or miss.  Sometimes it's great - we had turkey and stuffing and cranberries and mashed sweet potatoes the other night and it was amazing.  Other times it's disgusting.  Like mac & cheese.

Well, that is all I can think of right now, so hope you all have a good weekend!

First Day Review

Sorry it's been so long!  I've just been busy!  I have been making tons of new friends, which is awesome.

Yesterday was my first day of classes.  I had History and Archaeology of the Ancient Near East.  Just saying the title makes me feel really smart.  I think it will be an interesting class.  Here's how my week works:

Monday - History and Archaeology of the Ancient Near East - 9:15-12:15
Tuesday - Intro to the Old Testament - 1:15-4:15
Wednesday - Hebrew I - 10:45-12:15
Thursday - Theology Survey I - 2:00-5:00
Friday - Hebrew I - 10:45-12:15

I kind of like having only one class on a day.  Even though it means I don't get days off, I have a lot of time to study.  I don't really like having to do everything on one day.

The weather has been really nice here the last few days.  We've sat outside to eat dinner, which is fun.

Still haven't found a job, but I'm working on it!

You'll also be happy to hear that even though I never made my bed at home, I make it here every day.  I feel old and responsible now.

That's all for now!  I hope to post again at the end of the week.

Nice to meet you, my name is...

I finally feel like I'm starting to settle in.  We had some problems in the bathroom (like the shower drain not working), but that was fixed yesterday, so I could move all my stuff into the bathroom.  I slept all last night without waking up once (the previous nights, I kept waking up around 4).  It's the little changes that help.  Like buying a foam topper so my bed is more comfortable.  I also purchased another pillow to put behind mine so that my pillow doesn't fall down the cracks in the middle of the night.

Making friends helps too.  Some of us new girls have formed sort of a posse.  We pretty much go everywhere together.  There are three of us from Lamont (the main girls dorm, where I live), and three from Retreat House (which is down the hill). There are still plenty of people to meet, however.  I have no idea how many new people there are here, but every day I meet more, which is great.

Yesterday was our first orientation session, where they overloaded us with information about registration, campus safety, etc.  They also introduced all the professors, which was helpful, so we kind of have an idea who they are.  They also sort of introduced us to the professors.  They would ask us to stand if we were in a certain age range, if we came right from college, or work, or other fields.  More than half are in the 21-25 range, and most of them are right out of college.  It makes me feel old.  Actually, all the people here that I would call friends now are right out of college.  Probably about a quarter of the newbies are in the 26-30 range, and the last quarter are in the 31 and over range.  If they haven't just graduated, new students mostly come from ministry settings.  Only a few came from the marketplace, and I was one of three (that I saw) in the education field.  One of those three (her name is Valerie) came up to me during one of the breaks and said something to the effect of, "you're a teacher and you're over 26!  Me too!  We should be best friends forever!"  To which I promptly said yes, we should.  I would also say that the male to female ratio is 2:1.  There's a lot of guys here.  It's actually sort of weird because in the last 2 years, I've been in a predominantly female industry.

So far I have only met one other person doing the MA in Old Testament.  Her name is Debbie.  I'm pretty sure we're going to have every class together, so I'm glad I at least know her name.

I'm going to start looking for a job soon.  I want to get my class schedule in place first, so I know what hours I'm unavailable.  

Tonight I'm going to one of my professor's homes, which I'm kind of nervous about.  I really get nervous about everything.  I'm sure it will be fine.  Tomorrow is the registration fair, when I get to figure out what classes I'm taking!  So that's exciting.  I'll probably post again tomorrow with my class schedule.  Have a great day!

I'm here!

I finally made it!  That was the longest drive EVER.  Okay, maybe not ever, but I'm ready to stay out of the car for a while.  I'm all moved in!  Everything is set up where I want it to be.  My room is pretty large, but it is divided into two halves by the furniture.  So it's like Inception: I have a room within a room.  I'll post some pics:

So this is my desk.  When you walk into my room, it is directly to the left.  I brought the white shelving unit from home.

Here's my bed!  This was taken last night, so it's dark outside.  There's no air conditioning, so bringing the fan was a great idea.  The white square thing on the top of the white shelf is a lamp.  I bought that last night.  The light fixture in the room is on my roommate's side, so not much light gets over to my side.  And the lamp on the desk was too far away to turn off while lying in bed.  Underneath my bed is 2 dressers, both full to the brim.  My bed is kind of high up, I can't just crawl in bed, I have to use my desk chair to get up.

This is the view from my bed.  I have a bookshelf (it has a few more shelves that you can't see), and next to that is the wardrobe.  On the other side of the wardrobe and bookshelf is my roommate's half.  The door leads out into the living room.

I haven't met my roommate yet.  Her name is Brittanie.  She will be back sometime this week.  My suitemate seems nice.  She's from Taiwan, and her name is Grace.

This place is pretty dead yet.  I expect it to be more lively when more people move in tomorrow.  I met someone moving in today, her name is Rachel.  You should all be proud of me because I popped my head in her room and introduced myself.

Massachusetts so far seems pretty nice.  There's a lot of trees, and cute houses.  There's a lot of horses.  In fact, as I was driving around today, there was a horse show, and across the street was a polo playing field.  They have games every Sunday at 3.   I've never seen polo actually being played before, and I was kind of interested.  Admission to the game was $10 though, and I couldn't justify that.

I attempted to go to church this morning, but I wasn't connected to the internet, so I couldn't figure out where to go.  I only had my phone.  So I ended up looking for churches on my phone, and I thought I would try First Presbyterian in Ipswich.  I couldn't figure out where the church was when I started driving!  I got kind of lost.  There's a church fair later this week, so hopefully I'll find out more about the churches around here (including directions!).

I got gas yesterday, and it was $3.63 a gallon.  I'm pretty happy with that.  I don't know if everything else is cheaper around here, but I'll find out soon.

I'm really bored, but I can't think of anything else to write about.  I spent 2 hours reading Harry Potter in the great room.  While I was in there, only 3 people walked by.  The rest of the time the room was empty.  I don't know if it's like that every Sunday, or just this weekend.

Well, I think I may attempt to buy a new ethernet cord so I don't have to sit on my bed to be on the internet.  Hope everyone has a great holiday tomorrow!

Moving Day Part 1

Moving is underway!  Sort of.  I'm working on getting everything packed in my car right now.  Before I was worried that everything wouldn't fit.  Now I'm wondering what else I can take along!

Tonight Mom and I are driving to St. Joseph, MI.  It's about 2 hours away, and more north than we really need to go, but it will knock a couple of hours off our time tomorrow.   Tomorrow is the big one.  We're driving from St. Joseph, MI to Johnson City, NY.  We were originally going to drive to Utica, NY, but Irene put a dent in those plans.  I-90 is closed for a good chunk of road.  Then it's on to GC!  I'm excited/nervous.

Last night, I received some of my books, including my Hebrew textbook.  So, being the nerd that I am, I proceeded to memorize the Hebrew alphabet already.  Here goes: alef, bet, gimel, dalet, he, waw, zayin, het, tet, yod, kaf, lamed, mem, nun, samek, ayin, pe, tsade, qof, resh, sin, shin, taw.  I did that all without looking!  Unfortunately I can't show you what the letters look like, so you'll just have to imagine.  Learning another language is more than just learning the alphabet, and judging from this book, it won't be easy.  Instead of reading left to right, which I've been doing for 26ish years, I will be reading right to left.  Backwards.  In another language.

No one said seminary was going to be easy.

Anyways, I'm excited to get on the road!  Only a few more things to do, then a lot of sitting around and waiting for my mom's cake decorating class to be done, and then we're off!  I don't expect to be able to post until late Saturday or sometime on Sunday, but maybe by then my dorm will look presentable, and I will post pictures!  Enjoy your Labor Day weekends!

2 more days....

I'm freaking out a little.

I look at the pile of stuff in our dining room and wonder how it's all going to fit in my car.

Hurricane Irene flooded our intended route.

I know there's ways to fix this, like if it doesn't fit, ship it!  Find an alternate route!  But I still worry.  I think it's the anticipation.  Once we get on the road, it will probably be fine.

I'm also kind of a little bit worried that I won't make friends and I'll have to sit alone in the cafeteria.  You know, you're holding on to your tray of food, looking at the crowd of people who have already established groups of friends, wondering who you can sit with and not be ridiculed, hoping that the table isn't too far because this tray is getting heavy, and praying you won't trip on the way there.  It's seminary, so I'm pretty sure that I won't be ridiculed.  And I'll just have to be brave and sit by people I don't know. That's how you make new friends, right?

I'm also worried that I will do bad in school.  What if Gordon-Conwell is super hard?  What if I don't remember anything that I learned at Calvin (which is probable)?  What if I'm not as smart as you think I am (gasp!)?

I won't know until I get there.  And if I fail out, I'm moving to Rhode Island with my best friend.

Here we go!

So.  I've started a blog.

It seems like everyone has a blog these days.  Some people even get book deals from their blogs and make millions of dollars!

I don't expect that to happen to me.

The reason that I am doing is this blog is because I hate repeating myself.  I don't want to have to call up mom and dad, and my brother and sister-in-law, and my younger brother, and my best friend and tell them all the same information.  Don't worry, I'll still call.  But maybe I won't have to tell the same story 4 times.

Here's what I'll write about:  Everything.  Okay, maybe not everything.  But whatever I feel like writing about.  Triumphs.  Failures.  School stuff.  Personal stuff.  Crazy professors.  Crazy roommates.  Crazy me.

So to whomever is going to read this blog, I hope you join me on my adventure.