You are all going to laugh when you read this....

It's been a while!  Sometimes I forget this blog exists, and then I remember and I feel bad.  Things are still going okay, I am definitely looking forward to reading week, however.  I don't have a lot to catch up on, but I do have a lot of reading to do, and I always like when we don't have class.

However, I have been struggling with one thing over the past few days.  And I'm having a hard time explaining it, so bear with me.  So I pretty much don't know why I'm here.  I love it here, and I want to stay here, and I feel as though this is the place that God is calling me to be.  But I don't know why.  Before I left, I was determined that I would become a college professor, but the longer I am here, the less I feel like doing that.  It's still an option for me, I think I would enjoy it, but I don't know if that's the reason God called me here.  And now I know my parents are ready to grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and ask me what the heck I am spending all this money on.  But (and here's the part that will make you laugh) I keep wondering if I should be getting an M. Div.  I can't believe that I just wrote that.  But what if God is calling me to a ministry position?  What if I was supposed to get my M. Div the first time around, and that's why God called me back to seminary?  What if I've been fighting against the idea all this time because it was what I was supposed to be doing?

I don't know.  And that's what's getting to me.  How the heck are you supposed to determine what God wants for your life?  I feel like I'm just fumbling around in the dark without a flashlight, praying that I'll find something to hold on to in order to stay upright.  Because if I did start it now, I would be behind a semester.  Actually, I might be behind a year.  Because I didn't start Mentored Ministry (which is like an internship class), and I didn't do spiritual formation.  And I would have to take a completely different Systematic Theology class.  And it would add another year.  So I think that unless money falls out of the sky and onto my lap, I have to stick with what I'm doing right now.

So please pray for me that God will show me what I am supposed to be doing.