Why do I have to have a title?

I used to be okay with being alone.  For 2 years, I was pretty much alone, all the time, except when I was with my kids.

Maybe alone isn't the right word.  

I used to be okay with not having friends my age.  For the past 2 years, I didn't hang out with anyone with the exception of my bestie, Alisa.  We would hang out every couple of weeks or so.  Other than her, I didn't have friends.

I didn't know what I was missing.

Now, if I haven't seen any of my close friends in a day, I start freaking out.  Well, not really freaking out, but I feel withdrawal.  One of my new best friends, Sarah, was leaving to go home for the weekend, and we were talking about how it's really hard to leave here.  And she is only going to be gone for the weekend!  She and I are feeling a little lost without each other, and we have only known each other for a month.  We've talked about how weird it will be to leave all these people for Christmas break.  That's like a whole month and a half without each other.

I was never like this before!  I was fine being by myself.  I wasn't freaking out when I didn't see any of my friends.  So what changed?  Why do I feel like this now?

Maybe sometimes when you pray for something, God answers abundantly.  I prayed for years not to be alone anymore.  I was specifically praying for a boyfriend, but I think that God answered my prayers in a different way: by giving me friends.  And a lot of them.  And really super awesome friends.

I do know that I never want to go back to the way I was before.  I am a little bit scared that when I leave this place and we all scatter to the ends of the earth, we won't be more than facebook friends.  Because I want to have lasting relationships with the people that I've become close to here.

Also, a boyfriend would be nice, but I think I am going to give up on that for now, since the guys that I'm interested in have shown no interest in me.

You are all going to laugh when you read this....

It's been a while!  Sometimes I forget this blog exists, and then I remember and I feel bad.  Things are still going okay, I am definitely looking forward to reading week, however.  I don't have a lot to catch up on, but I do have a lot of reading to do, and I always like when we don't have class.

However, I have been struggling with one thing over the past few days.  And I'm having a hard time explaining it, so bear with me.  So I pretty much don't know why I'm here.  I love it here, and I want to stay here, and I feel as though this is the place that God is calling me to be.  But I don't know why.  Before I left, I was determined that I would become a college professor, but the longer I am here, the less I feel like doing that.  It's still an option for me, I think I would enjoy it, but I don't know if that's the reason God called me here.  And now I know my parents are ready to grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and ask me what the heck I am spending all this money on.  But (and here's the part that will make you laugh) I keep wondering if I should be getting an M. Div.  I can't believe that I just wrote that.  But what if God is calling me to a ministry position?  What if I was supposed to get my M. Div the first time around, and that's why God called me back to seminary?  What if I've been fighting against the idea all this time because it was what I was supposed to be doing?

I don't know.  And that's what's getting to me.  How the heck are you supposed to determine what God wants for your life?  I feel like I'm just fumbling around in the dark without a flashlight, praying that I'll find something to hold on to in order to stay upright.  Because if I did start it now, I would be behind a semester.  Actually, I might be behind a year.  Because I didn't start Mentored Ministry (which is like an internship class), and I didn't do spiritual formation.  And I would have to take a completely different Systematic Theology class.  And it would add another year.  So I think that unless money falls out of the sky and onto my lap, I have to stick with what I'm doing right now.

So please pray for me that God will show me what I am supposed to be doing.

Procrastination is my first name...

I'm supposed to be reading right now, as I have had a very unproductive couple of days, but I felt the need to update this first.

So this past week has been pretty good.  I think I've adjusted well to being 27 years old.  It's only been a week, however, so that may change.  Age is just a number, right?

I've been busy like usual.  Lots of studying and reading and Hebrew exercises to do.  I took 2 quizzes in Hebrew and aced them both, so I feel like I'm doing well!  I'm a little worried about the History and Archaeology mid-term I have coming up soon, because there is just so much to know!  He gave us a review sheet and it's HUGE!  But I will endure.

No updates on boys.  The guy who asked for my number never called :(.  It's okay, because there are so many other guys here to distract me.

My roommate and I have been getting along great, which is good!  But I wouldn't say that she's my bestest friend here.  That would be Sarah.  She's from Albany, New York.  She and I will stay up until 2 am talking about life.  We are actually hoping that we can live in the same suite next year, which I think would be awesome.

In other news, I finally got to play my guitar today!  That was so exciting and made me feel a little bit better about life in general.  My fingers are killing me now, but that's the price I pay for not practicing all summer long.  Hopefully I'll be able to find a space to play on a regular basis.

I am getting a sore throat.  Hopefully that doesn't mean that I'm getting sick!

Okay, I really should read now.  Have a great weekend!