Trust, man.
It's all about trust.
Seriously! The same issues that have been plaguing me 6 months ago are still plaguing me now. 6 months ago I wrote a blog about my trust issues. And here they are, still slapping me in the face when I think about it. I find it so easy to tell others what to do, how to trust God, and yet I never take the same advice myself. I struggle every day with HOW to trust God.
It just seems so much easier to trust people.
Scratch that. It seems so much easier to trust myself.
I am constantly reliable. I know what expectations to set of myself that I can live up to. I always show up when I need me.
There's that part in my brain that goes, "WAIT! God does that too! God shows up when you need him!"
Then my tiny, cynical heart says, "Oh yeah? Where was he two years ago when your life was falling apart? Where was he when you were so desperately lonely? Where is he now that your childhood home is being taken away?"
Trust, man.
I know in my head that God knows what he's doing. He's reliable. He shows up. It's my heart that's a different story. I think my problem is I'm waiting for God to do something big. I want tangible proof. Like Gideon.
You know that judge guy.
With the guys lapping up water like dogs.
Yeah, him.
Gideon sees the angel of the Lord, who says, "I am with you."
Gideon, instead of falling on his face and freaking out, says, "Oh yeah? If God was really with us, why is all this bad stuff happening in our land? Why have you abandoned us?"
To which the Lord says, "With the strength you have, I am sending you to fix that stuff. I am with you."
Gideon: "Prove it. I need a sign that you're really who you say you are."
So Gideon makes an offering. He brings it to the angel of the Lord. The angel of the Lord sets it on FIRE. Right in front of Gideon. Gideon sees it with his own eyes. Then he falls on his face and freaks out.
Then he follows the Lord's instructions for a while, building offerings to the Lord, tearing down altars to Baal.
But later in the story, Gideon starts to wonder. He starts to lose his trust. He doesn't really think God can deliver him and the Israelites from the bad stuff that's happening to them. So what does he do?
He asks God for another sign.
And God gives it to him.
One night, Gideon goes out and puts a fleece on the ground. He asks God, "Hey, if you're really there and you're really going to do what you promised, make it so that in the morning, the fleece is covered in dew, but the ground around it is dry."
And it happened.
You'd think that Gideon would be impressed. He'd be like, "Hey! God is here! He showed up! Let's get this party started!"
Nope.
He says, "Let's try this once more. Tomorrow, let the fleece be completely dry, and the ground around it be covered in dew."
And again, God does it.
Gideon gets not one, not two, but THREE signs from God that he's there and will do what he promised. It takes him three tries to get this trusting thing down.
I think most of us would be happy with just one sign.
And maybe God does work like that for some people. Maybe they get clear proof that God is there and that he's reliable and will do what he's promised. But it hasn't worked that way for me.
It's easy to tell others, "God has a plan for you."
My favorite analogy is the lantern one. You're walking down a path at night while carrying a lantern. The lantern only lights up the step in front of you and the step behind you. You can't see the entire path ahead, just a little bit at a time. But you've got to trust that the path is there and that the path is leading where it's supposed to go.
It's hard to trust that God knows what he's doing, especially in the midst of the bad stuff in life. Is God ever going to tell me why my childhood home is being taken away? Probably not. Am I going to get a clear sign that he knows what he's doing? Probably not.
And yet.
He still calls us to trust. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says, "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Now, maybe I'm reading it wrong. But nowhere in that verse does it say that I, Beth, get to be privy to those plans. God knows the plans, I don't. It doesn't say "I know the plans I have for you, and here they are and here is a detailed map of how you're going to get there, and you will prosper and not be harmed and you have a hope and a future, see? It's right here on this map I made for you."
Nope. It doesn't say that.
It says GOD knows. And God is so much bigger than my problems and your problems and everyone's problems.
Trust, man. God knows what he's doing.
