29? Really?

September the 25th has come and gone, and I am a year older.

I don't feel any older.  I don't know how 29 is supposed to feel.  Am I supposed to be freaking out about 30?  Probably.  But I'm not.

I feel...exactly the same.  After all, it is just the number that has changed, not me.  I suppose that's not necessarily true, I have changed from the first time I revolved around the sun.  But we change in leaps and bounds for our first few years, and as we age change happens more slowly.

I am still not where I want to be in life, but I'm striving to be content where I am.  Even though I thought I would be married by 29, I'm not, and while that may irk me a little bit, I am learning to rely on God and put myself in his control, and not my own control.

My new theme verse has become Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

This year there will be a lot of transition.  In May, I expect to graduate from school, so I will be moving from being a full-time student to (Lord willing) being a full-time employee.  And I don't know what that entails.  I might be moving from my home in the North Shore to a completely different state, maybe even a different country.  No matter what I do, I know that I will be leaving the familiar and venturing out into the unfamiliar.  It's going to be scary.  It's going to be confusing.

But before I get there, I need to trust that God is going to help me get through these last two semesters.  I need to trust that he is going to put the right job in my path.  I need to not make my own plans, because we know how well those work out (hint: they don't).

In all, I think that I am in a much better place than I was last year.  This summer stretched and grew me in my faith, and I am thankful for the opportunities I had at Camp-of-the-Woods in which to grow.

I am looking forward to my 29th year, and I pray that God reveals himself and his plans in a mighty way.

Climb every mountain....

I've been trying to update this as much as possible to keep you all informed of what is going on in my life, however it's been hard to find the time!

I am liking it at camp, I've made some friends and we stick together a lot.  I am starting to like the people that I work with.

This week has been an eventful one.  It was challenge week, which means that we get to know our jobs and what we'll be doing.  And teen staff probably has one of the funnest jobs.  This week, while everyone was working, we got to play on slip and slides and squirt each other with water guns, and I got belay certified (which means I can hold people up on a rock wall), and we climbed a mountain, which was probably the biggest thing to happen this week.

Climbing that mountain was rough.  We not only climbed it, we slept overnight on it.  It was 36 degrees that night.  I slept in leggings, sweatpants, two pairs of socks, a t-shirt, a fleece, and a hat, which I pulled all the way down over my nose.  I tried to make sure only my mouth was open to the elements.  I still got bug bitten (who knew mosquitos could survive in 36 degree weather?).   I had only a thin foam pad between me and the rock I slept on (we literally slept on a huge boulder).  We had a tarp over us to keep the moisture out, there was no real tent.  Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well that night.

The mountain had a 4000 foot elevation, and the trail up was about 2 miles, so we were going up roughly 2000 feet every mile.  The first night, we went about halfway, from the bottom of the mountain to the campsite, and the next day we reached the summit, and went all the way back down.  Although going up is hard, because you're exerting a lot of energy, going down is scary, because it is so steep, you could fall and break your ankle, arm, head, neck at any time.

I went slow.  I was always the last one, and I felt bad that I went so slow because I was holding everyone up, but at the same time, it was the first time that I had ever done anything like that, so they were encouraging.  Liam, my boss, said that he was proud of me and that I should feel accomplished because I completed the mountain.

That was the big thing that happened to me this week.  Guests start arriving today, so we have a day off, and tomorrow the real work starts!  Our first day will consist of a mixer (with the slip and slides), and then the chapels and other things happen on Monday.  I don't preach until week 3, but I will be working on finishing my sermon this week.  I have off on Tuesday, which will be nice, and will give me a lot of time to work on my sermon.

Something you can pray for this week:  that the ministry that we do will be effective, and that our first week goes smoothly.  And that we as staff continue to bond and be able to work together.

I'm beginning to like it here.

Okay, so the past few days have been a lot better.  I have been making more friends, which is helpful.  I have also finished working wait staff, which has been great.  We are in the midst of a couple of days off, tomorrow I start teen staff duties, which will largely consist of decorating.  I know I'm going to be preaching sometime as well, and I think I've got the activity that I want to do, but I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say in my message yet.

Anyways, I just wanted to update to say that things are getting better.  I'm still nervous about the overnight hiking trip that we will be taking, but I think if I talk to Bekah and Liam about it, my fears may be calmed.  And Alisa gave me some good advice...if this place is not a good fit for me, then it's okay to leave.  Additionally, I think I need to just trust that God has me here for a reason even if I don't know what it is yet.

That is all, hope everyone enjoys their week!

I don't like it here.

Just read the title.  That's how I feel today.  It kind of sucks.

My job isn't so bad right now, I'm working on the wait staff, which just means that I keep people's drinks filled and I set up for the next meal.  It's not terrible.

I just don't like the people.  I met Liam and Becca, the people that I will be working under this summer, and they're just...weird.  Youth ministry definitely has a type, and they are NOT it.  And I'm sure they do ministry well, they're just not the type of youth leaders I would expect.

All of the girls here are nice, but really only surface level nice, and it's hard to make any real connections.  People also seem to have friends already, and I don't.  Nobody seems interested in being my friend.

I also heard that we are going to be hiking mountains and I've done that before and I hated it.  So I hope there's not a lot of strenuous activity.  I'm also not in very good shape, so I can't physically do some of these things.  And I'm old.  I'm pretty sure that I'm older than the people that I'm working under.

I kind of wish I hadn't signed up for teen staff.  Christian Education might have been a better choice for me.  Even though I would have hated being stuck inside a classroom all day, I wouldn't have had to hike.

I think it would also be better if I had a friend come with me.

I think because I'm older than just about everyone, people don't know what to do with me.

I met my mentor the other day, and he seems nice.

I don't know.  I don't know what else to say except that I wish I had never come here.

Maybe that's melodramatic, and maybe it'll get better when regular season starts.

In other news, since I have no friends, I have been working on Greek and Hebrew a lot.  I am working through a Hebrew workbook and have decided to translate all of Philippians.  It keeps me busy.

My room

Here is a picture of my room...

I am standing against the wall.  To the right of me is the door.  I could not get any farther away from the bed.  It's so tiny.

I still don't have a roommate however, and I hope it stays that way.

Anyways, this is just for the week, I'll be moving out on the 13th.

That is all!  I'll update more if I have time!

Hello Mother...Hello Father...

Here I am... at CAMP!

Okay, so the all-caps and the exclamation point are a little...overkill.

The situation is not ideal.

Problem #1.  I have the smallest room EVER.  Literally.  I could not fit anything in here.  I brought in about half of my stuff and I still don't have room.  My storage space is a 5x9 room, and I think this room is smaller.  The bed is not even a full-size twin.  My head hits the wall, and my feet are just at the edge.  And it's narrow.  I currently don't have a roommate, and I hope it stays that way because there is no way 2 girls with all of their STUFF will fit!  Thankfully, this is only for a week, and we will be moving next Thursday to a place that is much nicer.

Problem #2.  The internet here sucks.  I have been attempting to send an e-mail for the last HOUR!  This post won't save, so I don't even know if I'll be able to post it.  I also wanted to post a picture of my room on here, just to show how small it is, but the internet wouldn't let me.

Problem #3.  People here are really clique-ish.  I'm sure some of that will change with time and as we get into our work assignments, but for right now, it's really not fun.

Problem #4.  I have been assigned to wait tables this weekend.  I've never done that in my life, and I know I'm going to mess up somehow.  I'll probably spill on someone.

Problem #5.  Said wait table position requires me to be there at 5:45 in the AM!

This is only for pre-season.  I don't think it's worth it to do pre-season, and I think given the opportunity to choose again, I wouldn't choose it.  But I didn't know what I was getting myself into.  Hopefully it will get better over the next few weeks.

Waiting...

I'm not a patient person.

Those of you who know me well would probably say that of the fruits of the spirit, that one is the last on my list.

Now I'm singing the fruits of the spirit song in my head.  Great.

Anyways, I'm talking about patience today because I heard a sermon at Harvest Bible Chapel this past Sunday on waiting.

Apropos in the season of Advent.

Yes, I just looked up the spelling of the word "apropos."

Okay, so the sermon was about Simeon, the guy who was promised by God that he would see the Messiah and then he could die.

Yes, that's kind of morbid, but that's not the point.

Simeon is (presumably) an old man. He is a righteous man, a Jew who goes to the temple frequently.  He (like every other Jewish person) is waiting for the Messiah, the man who will deliver the Jews from Roman rule.  And the Holy Spirit tells him that he would not die until he saw the Messiah.

We don't know how long Simeon waits.  There is a 400 year gap between the end of the Old Testament and the beginning of the New Testament.  Simeon could have been born any time in that 400 years.  We don't get to hear his history.  But the main idea here is that Simeon trusted God, and he waited.  And he probably waited a long time.  He probably checked out every single child that came to the temple until Jesus came.

The pastor asked us how many of us are waiting on God for something, and just about everyone raised their hands, including myself.  The pastor told us that God always keeps his promises, and although waiting is not fun, we're not waiting in vain.

But that got me thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know).

What exactly are we waiting on God for?

The examples that the pastor used in the sermon were getting a job, or finding a spouse, or waiting to heal from a sickness.

And the thing that gets me is God never promised any of those things.

I know what I'm waiting on.  I've been waiting on it for what seems like forever.  I'm waiting for God to give me a husband.  I've wanted to get married for a very long time.  And I'm frustrated that God has not given me a spouse.  And my patience has been stretched thin for a very long time.

But when did God ever promise me a husband?

Answer: never.  God never promised that I would get married.  God never promised that anyone would get married.  Or that anyone would get their dream job.  Or that anyone would be rich.

As far as I know, God only promised two things:
1.)  A Messiah would come to save us from our sins and give us eternal life.
2.)  That same Messiah will come again to rule over heaven and earth.

We can check off number 1.  God did that 2000ish years ago when he sent Jesus.

What we really need to wait for is number 2.  Jesus promised he would come again.  And he will come again.

I don't think it's wrong to wait for God to give us other things.  I'm still going to wait on God to give me a husband.  But I'm giving up on the idea that because I want it, I will have it.  It may not happen.  Other people may never get a job, or be healed from any of their diseases.

God gave us Jesus, that we may have eternal life in heaven.  Can we just think about eternal life for a second?  The key word here is "eternal."  I can't wrap my brain around that.  Our lives here on earth are just a blip on the radar of eternal. We get so enmeshed in thinking about our earthly lives that they become SO important.  Making money and marrying Mr./Mrs. Right, these things don't matter because they don't last.

You know what lasts?  Jesus.

Put your hope in that.  And wait on his return.